i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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