it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
