Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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