and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
