The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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