Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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