I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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