I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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