he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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