Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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