I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
