By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
