he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
