i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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