Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
