She's JV to your varsity
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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