He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
