Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
