Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
