So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
