I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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