shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My liver just had a heart attack.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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