Do you still have your period?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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