I hate your face
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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