It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
