naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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