It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
