i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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