I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
