i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
