we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
