Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Your cock deserves a montage
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
