I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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