I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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