The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
