she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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