happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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