Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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