Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
