I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
