At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
