Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
