So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
