I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
my poor anus
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
