hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
