I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
