Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
