My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
