During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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