I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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